I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
