Little spoons don't ask big questions
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
