Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
