I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
