You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
