my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
