Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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