dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I will be naked everywhere
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
