I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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