Someone shit on the floor
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize