Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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