Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
