It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
