i love accidental penises.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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