I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
