Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
