she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
