Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
