If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
