I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
