At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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