it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
