Your face is a jimmy john
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
