I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
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