is your mom at the bar?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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