I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
where am i from again
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
