me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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