I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
