he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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