This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
