i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
