She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
