Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
