The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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