I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
PANTIES FOUND
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