at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
