I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
