I must be too annoying 4 u.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
