was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
