Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
