Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
