listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
