i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
