were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
