I accidentally had phone sex last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize