If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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