I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
