12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
