hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
