Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
