i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
