happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
