Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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