Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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