So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
