"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
