the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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