She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
