you win again, gameday.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize