Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
