Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
