he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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