wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
