i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
