i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
